I know I have written about this subject before but because it is so heavy on my heart and continues to affect me I figure I should try to get this out.
You always hear how you can do anything you want to do regardless of having diabetes. Don't let diabetes stop you from living your dreams! Diabetes is not going to stand in my way!
For most things that is true. You should not feel like you cannot achieve your dreams just because you have diabetes. But there is one dream that was crushed for me days after I was diagnosed and I have never gotten over it.
My dream to serve our country in the Air Force.
We didn't have a lot of money and I knew college was not something my parents would be able to afford. My plan was to join the Air Force, get an education, and then who knows.
I had been speaking with a recruiter from school and was pretty excited about it all. He called me a few days after I was diagnosed to see how I was doing. I told him about the whole diabetes thing and that was when he told me that I would not be accepted.
I have had diabetes for 20 years and still this gets to me. Like it did that first time. I remember hanging up the phone and feeling more alone than I ever had. What was I going to do? What else is now lost? Why should I go on?
Maybe it was too much to handle. Not only finding out you are the new owner of a life long chronic illness but also that your plans for the future have just been destroyed. Maybe that is why this particular thing still stings so bad.
Maybe it's because of all the pride I see across this country for our vets and how I should have been one of them. All the tweets thanking the veterans for doing what we cannot. For being brave and proud of their country. It kills me.
Maybe I just need to suck it up and get over it.
I wish it were that easy.