My plan for today’s post was to tell you all about my visit to the Endo yesterday. That post is going to have to wait.
Something is heavy on my heart right now and I want to write about it.
On my way to the doctors yesterday I noticed a police car parked sideways on the other side of the Freeway. He has his lights on and had all of the South bound traffic at a stop right before an overpass. As I got a little closer I also noticed that there were several police cars on the overpass stopped with their lights on, and then I saw him.
A man with a full head of gray hair standing on the outside of the overpass fence, holding on with one hand over his shoulder waiting to jump.
It was only for a second when I saw him but I could see in his eyes that he was not sure this was the answer. He had a look of total defeat and I guess you would have to be in that state to be where he was.
As I drove pass I started to think about giving up and how many times I have contemplated ending it all. There was a time after my dad died that I really felt like living was too much for me and that I was done. Heck I tried too much insulin once but as soon as I started to get low I decided to treat for it knowing it was not right. Suicide is never the answer.
Remembering back to a very close member of my family that killed himself and how it effected the people I love made it clear for me that nothing is worse then losing someone to suicide. The emotional rollercoaster you are left with is almost too much to bear.
You feel confused. “Why would they do such a thing?”
You feel guilty. “Why didn’t I notice they were hurting?”
You feel angry. “How could they be so selfish?”
You feel depressed. “Why wasn’t I enough of a reason to stay?”
You feel sad. “I miss him so much.”
I thought about this man and what he must be going through and all the people that love him and would do anything to help him. I thought about the millions of people who have it worse than he does and how could anyone, in this great country, give up hope? That is what we are all about, overcoming obstacles and having faith that we can do anything.
And then I remembered something my father always told me. He would say, “Son, what is a pebble to you could be a boulder to someone else.”
We cannot assume we completely understand someone’s feelings or know exactly what they are going through. There is no way to do that. All we can do is empathize, love, support, and show those we love that we will be there for them no matter what.
We have the power to love and hopefully that will save the people in our life from ever ending up where this man on the overpass was. I don’t know what happened and frankly I think I am just going to assume he got the care he needed and is now on the road to finding some peace in his life.
So when you are thinking about this post and about loving those people in your life, don’t forget to love yourself.
If you don’t do that, you cannot truly receive the love those around you are offering.