And it still isn’t.

Thinking about planning to exercise is an exercise in itself. Planning the time, the activity, and making sure I have all I need to make it through without a life threatening low is a task that stops me from moving closer to that exercise program I know I need to be on. The one I always start but never stick to.

And I am still not there.

After our Christmas in Flagstaff my wife was on a major kick to buy and Xbox 360 with Kinect. If you are not familiar with the Kinect, think Wii type games but without the controller. The Kinect sensor tracks your entire body so you move around and you are the controller.

My sister brought her Xbox to the cabin and my wife loved it. And she loved it for one game.

Dance Central 2.

I am not going to lie, I really loved it myself. Dancing is one thing that I am very comfortable doing and enjoy. Plus I have been known to clear dance floors with my sweet moves. HA! That is another story for another time.

Long story short(er), we picked up an Xbox on the way home from Cabin Christmas and have been playing it all the time.

And I love it!

It is awesome!

If the Xbox is on than I am ready to go. Dance after dance, game after game, I am up and moving and sweating like a pig. (I used to have a pig as a pet and they do not sweat. That is why they roll in the mud and dirt to cool off. Who came up with that?)

Moving matters in whatever way you do it. Exercise does not need to be strapped to a machine or being a member to a gym. You can find other ways and I think I have mine for now. At least it is a start. Maybe when I get to a point where I am not so self conscience I may venture into other stuff but for now I am just gonna keep on dancing.

Anyone else have thoughts on unconventional exercise and things I can do to  get moving and still have fun? Or do any of you have any good Xbox Kinect games that you would recommend?

w00t! 

After all these years I still hate the exam. The drops. The bright light. The fear.

But it is what we do. It is what we all need to do. So much can be corrected if caught in time. 

So until next year, SEE you later doc! 

“Oh sweet, I need a calendar for my office. Honey, come here and tell me if I will like this one.”

I held up a calendar called “America, Small Towns and Cities.”

“Well look at the pictures and you tell me.” My wife is still annoyed by my hang ups but luckily my son gets it.

“No I can’t look at the pictures of all the months! That would ruin it. I LOVE the beginning of each month and changing my calendar to see something new. Just tell me if you think I would like it.”

George grabs it and has a look.

“No you wouldn’t like this on Dad.”

I keep going. Churches? Nope. Beaches? Nope. Great Vacation Spots? Nope.

“What about this one?” I see one called Bridges with a cool picture of the Golden Gate Bridge on it.

George has a look at the back of it. Jasmine looks over his shoulder and lets out an, “Niiiiice!”

“This is it Dad. You will like this one.”

“Are you sure?” How I dare question it after all I put them through?

“Yes! It’s really cool. You will dig it.”

When we get to the register I let Jasmine pay just in case the cashier flipped it over and revealed all the pictures. I would have not purchased it if I knew what was coming.

Bringing it into the office was tricky. I had to make sure I kept it face up the entire time I transported it and put it up on my wall.

Yesterday afternoon I got so excited that today I would finally see the next picture since the cover was January.

Check it out.

Surprises are such a big deal to me. They really carry so much weight because of the anticipation and payoff. Whenever I can build in surprises in my life I do. Except when it comes to diabetes.

This afternoon I have my annual eye exam and I am hoping for no surprises at all. Knowing what is going on means that I can react accordingly. The sooner a problem is known, the sooner I can act on it, and hopefully the sooner the problem can be solved.

One surprise today is enough.

Today I am enjoying my last with Blue Cross of California and will begin anew with Health Net tomorrow.

And I am nervous.

I know I shouldn’t be since I checked with Doctor Awesome before we made the switch at work and he accepts them so I am okay there but it’s other stuff that concerns me.

Stuff that I should have thought about but maybe didn’t.

My company lagged on getting this going so the info I have received has been minimal at best. The specifics about prescriptions, durable goods, specialists, and all those little things I am totally in the dark about.

So not cool.

All I could do was choose the most expensive PPO and hope for the best.

Anyone have any feedback on Health Net? 

This year’s theme was the Wizard of Oz and the first time I have ever been so deeply involved. From food choices to outings. Breakout sessions to awards. It was a lot of work and at lot of stress. I was excited for the weekend but also looking forward to some time to not have to plan and stress out every single night.

The weekend went well. I started the weekend off with a song of course. My coworker and I sang, “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” as I played Ukulele. It was my Ukulele debut and from what I have been told, a success.

Friday night was spent at a guest home we rented on the grounds. It has a game room, fire pit outside, putting greens, extra rooms to hang in a lot of space. We ended out evening there with drinks and fun.

I cut out early to prepare for my Communication breakout session the following day. My roommate and fellow coworker stayed back to have fun so I could focus on getting some work done. By the time he came to the room I was ready for bed.

At around 2 in the morning I hear my Dexcom screaming.

LOW

Ugh, I grab my bag of Cherry Sour Balls (the best treat to treat) and scarfed down 4. I slowly started to doze off when I hear Dexcom scream at me. Ugh. I waited for a while to see if he glucose would kick in.

[insert Jeopardy theme song]

I must have dozed off because the Dexcom scared the crap out of me again. I ate 4 more CSB and fell asleep.

I did this until my bag was empty. It had at least 20 pieces in it.

Slowly I dozed off.

“WAKE UP!!!” The Dexcom says in it’s buzzy language.

I see a southern arrow and freaked out. Now what?

I think I left my extra glucose tabs out in the car or are they in my bag? I could not think straight of course.

My handy man satchel was laying across the room and when I looked inside I saw nothing.

Until I spotted this.

My cousin gave it to me a long time ago and I have never used it for some reason.

The Instructions said, “Twist off cap and discard. Bring tube to mouth and squeeze slowly and evenly, swallowing entire contents. If no response after 10 minutes, repeat with another tube.”

Ten minutes? Another tube? Huh? NO RESPONSE? What the hell is this stuff?

Anyhow I figured I better just take it and hope for the best. It was so gross that I almost barfed the moment I squeezed it into my mouth. EWW.

I now call it Glucgross. 

It made my mouth tingle which it turns out I am not a fan of. I choked it down and stood there for a second. The Dexcom was still pointed South. I walked over to the bed and decided that I was done. I am going to sleep and if I wake up in the hospital or in heaven, so be it.

I woke up at 202.

The rest of the weekend was UnDiaventful but very good otherwise.

We did some line dancing and I learned how to 2 step which was a blast. When I get a hold of some video I will post it. Fun stuff indeed.

First I want to say thanks for putting some awesomely yummy recipes up on your website. Whenever we have a potluck at work and I want to make everyone drool over my dish, I check your stuff first. It always gets a thumbs up.

Secondly I want to thank you for announcing your diagnosis of type 2 diabetes. Anyone famous who has diabetes and openly talks about it in a REAL WAY is a good thing.

The fact that you didn't just shout "I HAVE DIABETES" the moment you were diagnosed but rather waited until you understood it and knew how you could use your celebrity to help is awesome. 

The fact is that having any type of diabetes can be so very isolating and scary that knowing someone you trust, even a star like you, makes people feel less alone which can be very empowering.

Not to mention the fact that you are not just stopping your life and completely changing everything this second. Most people cannot do that. Most people would not be able to say, "she is like me and I am going to look to her for inspiration." The way you have approached it makes me think that more people will be willing to listen to you and hear what you are doing to be healthier. 

If you suddenly dropped everything and changed completely I think some would be inspired but not most. Most of us need baby steps first. Maybe that is why babies crawl for a while huh?

Anyhow, if you need a pal with a love of bacon like no other you let me know. 

Peace and bacon grease,

George

• being with friends becomes increasingly important
• strong desire to perform well, do things right
• finds criticism or failure difficult to handle
• seeks a sense of security in groups, organized play, and clubs
• generally enjoys caring for and playing with peers
• development of permanent teeth
• enjoys testing muscle strength and skills
• good sense of balance
• can tie shoelaces

Those all sound about right. Although my shoes are slip ons. :)

Thank you all for 6 years of being there for me. I always say that this community, this place, saved my life. And I believe it wholeheartedly. 

Dr. Polonski is a hero of mine. BDI, the group he founded, is all about dealing with the emotional and mental side of diabetes. Something that I feel very strongly about and something I think a lot of doctors ignore.

When Doctor Awesome asked me if I wanted to go I jumped at the chance. My good friend Jaimie, and fellow patient of Doctor Awesome, was also invited so we carpooled to make the 2 hour drive less painful.

It turned out that there were only 6 people invited to this thing so it was very intimate. We sat around a table in a small board room and started talking about diabetes.

Those 3 hours seemed to fly by. At first we just went around the room introducing ourselves and our connection to diabetes. It is always nice to meet other PWD’s just for that “I’m not alone” thing. Dr. Polonski asked us to say what our biggest struggle is in regards to our diabetes.

My issue is exercise. I need to do it. I know it helps but I do not have the time to do it.

Not too long after starting the session and going around the room, my doctor walks in. It was so cool to see him there. It was also very encouraging to see the look on the other patients faces when he came in. All 6 of us think he is pretty awesome.

Dr. Polonski asked Dr. Unger (aka Dr. Awesome) why he wanted to have this cognitive-behavioral therapy session with us all and said, “All of you feel like you are struggling. You all do so much already and are great patients but you feel like something is holding you back.” He went on to explain about each of our struggles and frustrations and most importantly our feeling of being overwhelmed.

We shared goals and both Doctors helped us fine tune them and identify first steps to achieving them. We discussed realistic goals for our A1C and safe ways to get there. Everything was positive. Everything was in bite sized chunks. Nothing was overwhelming. Nothing was too much. Accept to say the feeling of care. I was drowning in compassion and understanding. What a problem to have right?

The whole time we were there was comfortable. Sharing was not an issue for any of us and listening to what each other had to say was also so enlightening. There were so many “I hear ya’s” and “I’m like that too” heard it only solidified my belief that no one should go the diabetes road alone. We really do need each other.

Since that day I have been thinking about the overall take away for me. What I see is that diabetes is like a gateway to depression and it was moving in on my. I have been so overwhelmed and fell as though I am ignoring diabetes, ignoring this blog, and ignoring the DOC. My A1C was not where I wanted it the last time I had one done. I have been gaining weight and have been terribly unhappy.

Depression makes you think incorrectly. It makes you focus on only the negatives in your life. When that happens it’s impossible to do anything right. You cannot be a good person or be blessed when everything you do fails. Everything you touch falls apart. You are bad at everything and nothing will ever change. Nothing.

That’s just bullshit. I am not bad at everything and not everything in my life is awful. I have a lot to be thankful for and happy about. All of the things I want to change I can do. I just need to get started. That is a big hurdle.

“You want to start exercising right?” Dr. Polonski zeroes in on me.

“Yes I do.”

“Why?”

“Because a friend of mine once said that exercise is the one thing I can do to help my numbers that actually makes me fell good. Plus I want to lose some weight.”

“So what is holding you back from exercising?”

“Honestly, it’s time. I don’t have time to exercise. I am always running around doing something!”

I went on to explain how work is overwhelming. My wife is in the middle of getting her masters degree so a lot of times I am driving kids around to the things they need to get to. I lead the band at church and have rehearsals during the week. I am a co-host on a weekly blog talk radio show. I have a lot going on.

“It doesn’t sound like there is any time in there that you can move around.” It felt good to not hear someone say, THERE IS ALWAYS TIME YOU JUST HAVE TO MAKE THE TIME! Ugh.

“We need to find one step to get you closer to your goal of exercising.” He suggested I sit down with my wife and we figure out a 30 minute block of time each night for exercise. He felt that with her help we may be able to slot it into our schedules.

“That sounds perfect!”

“Ok! So when are you going to meet with her to talk about it?”

I grabbed my phone, opened my calendar, and said, “It looks like I have a moment on Tuesday night before band practice.”

After we all shared a laugh I felt so much better.

One step.

But a step nonetheless. 

While walking though all the food and merchandise stands I came across a guy selling these pictures in frames that looked weird. There was a crowd just standing there staring at them and some shouting, “oh I see it now!” My friend and I walked over to check them out and they just looked like a weird pattern of color, not a picture at all. I asked the guy who was selling them what it was all about and he said that I had to look “through” the picture and only then would I see it.

As soon as I looked back at the picture I saw it. A bunch of dinosaurs were standing around a jungle scene. It was crazy. My friend could not see it but it was easy for me.

I remember back when I was a kid driving from my grandma’s house in Los Angeles to our house in the suburbs. We had a VW Beetle and I remember the headliner inside the VW was made up of a bunch of little holes. Line after line of little holes. I would lay there on the seat and look at them in a daze. Layer by layer the roof of the car seemed to get closer to me. What I didn’t know was that my eyes were crossing and pulling dots way on the left with one eye and dots way on the right with the other creating this weird 3D effect. It always made me carsick whenever I did it but staring at that headliner is what allows me to be able to see those Magic Eye, Stereogram pictures easily.

What you have just read is what went through my mind after waking up with a low early this morning and before treating it. What the heck right?

Highs. Lows. Kidneys. Toes.

CWD. A1C. DOC. TCOYD.

A year of good times and rough times.

Laughs. Tears. Firsts. Lasts. Fears.

Pushing on into the next 365.

Hope. Plans. Dreams. Concerns.

So many paths to choose.

Shaking off regrets. Looking ahead.

Forcing myself to change.

Another year has gone by and the song is the same.

Will this be the year?

My year?

Didn’t I say that last year?

Don’t I say that every year?